I am jealous of all the friends I have in life who seem to do a really good job of keeping themselves on certain tracks and habits that are good, ie. writing in journals regularly, eating yummy vegan foods without any hassels, wearing all black all the time in a classy manner (I always wished I could do that) or on the opposite side, being able to be a huge drunk/loser AND having a job still. Lucky.
I feel like I start and stop a lot of things all the time, and I feel like that might be why I feel so helpless and I go on buying binges to make myself feel better. Like, oh I'll write in THIS journal and this time it'll be different and I'll really keep it up, or keeping up with diets or even perfumes or even knitting projects or comic book series. I can't keep to one thing and it drives me wild. I am searching for something to make me feel whole and it isn't all this shit, I just want a good calm relaxing time with myself and it's my job to give it. I should dedicate a certain amount of time a day to myself, my reading, my writing, my knitting.
There's so much I want to do and I don't think I'm asking too much of myself, I just keep getting stuck doing something else.
I have about 3 hours before I have to go to work. I think I'll take a shower and then knit in bed because I can and I should. Or maybe I'll write a little. FUCK!