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the muffin girl




July 21st, 2010


So, all I can do is sit and listen to my neighbors across the way yelling at every person that walks down the sidewalk.
Wtf is this guy's problem? When do you wake up wit the courage to just sit on your porch and yell at people, whistle at people, holler at people? I mean, nobody fucking answers you.


January 24th, 2008

(no subject)

Do you know how silly I've felt all my life.
When I was in high school I didn't get ANYTHING and I was so naive and I felt silly all four years because now that I look back on anything that went on around me, I HAD NO IDEA. I didn't know what pot smelled like. I didn't kiss boys. I probably didn't even know what beer smelled/looked/tasted like until I was 18. I was such a LA LA HEAD. I feel silly now because all these kids I know seem to be getting it and I still don't feel like I ever "got it", you know? I'm still confused, I still don't get dirty jokes, and I have no idea what "two for tuesdays" means at bars. What?

January 13th, 2008

oh yeahhh

I am jealous of all the friends I have in life who seem to do a really good job of keeping themselves on certain tracks and habits that are good, ie. writing in journals regularly, eating yummy vegan foods without any hassels, wearing all black all the time in a classy manner (I always wished I could do that) or on the opposite side, being able to be a huge drunk/loser AND having a job still. Lucky.
I feel like I start and stop a lot of things all the time, and I feel like that might be why I feel so helpless and I go on buying binges to make myself feel better. Like, oh I'll write in THIS journal and this time it'll be different and I'll really keep it up, or keeping up with diets or even perfumes or even knitting projects or comic book series. I can't keep to one thing and it drives me wild. I am searching for something to make me feel whole and it isn't all this shit, I just want a good calm relaxing time with myself and it's my job to give it. I should dedicate a certain amount of time a day to myself, my reading, my writing, my knitting.
There's so much I want to do and I don't think I'm asking too much of myself, I just keep getting stuck doing something else.
I have about 3 hours before I have to go to work. I think I'll take a shower and then knit in bed because I can and I should. Or maybe I'll write a little. FUCK!

October 7th, 2007

historic aviation

Where have I been all this life? I wonder what I'll do when I'm 40. Hopefully by then I have joined a bowling or square dancing league and I will have at least 3 cats whom I talk to every morning over coffee. Or maybe I will be a fun mommy with a daughter named Virginia who wants to become a truck driver when she grows up. I can only dream!

But, anyway, where have YOU been? I want mail. And I want mail now. (bills do not count)

August 9th, 2007

dear live journal

I am sorry that it has been ten whole weeks.

Please forgive me.

My internet was lost.

I love you, bye

May 28th, 2007

(no subject)

Eating Spiders - Psapp
There's a man in the street
Who tells me that he loves me
God is everywhere
He says he lives above me
I know more about this man
Than i know about you
Further than we go
In what we go through

We are small
We are small people

There's a day in a month
When I know why we're here
And no one drags us down
When you flip my gear
My mother doesn't love you
Even though she tries
I told her so many things
I forget the lies

We are small
We are small people

You will take the whole of me

The whole of me

February 11th, 2007

I am

secretly smitten. SHITTTTTTTTTTT....................

but I am also listening to the new Tech N9ne cd. And either the ferret food picker-upper fairies helped me out with the floor last night, or we've got a mouse.

Mental Note: Find even more reasons to wear the party dress. Stat. okbye

January 1st, 2007

(no subject)

Someone stole my box wine out of Jayme's fridge last night. That's pretty fucked up.

Otherwise I had another good new year's, J6son came to the party, DJ Page was a slight success, and I had a wonderful new years kiss. After that we went home and watched the Ladies Man. Too bad I feel asleep.

Oh, and Cassie came and it was really awesome. I was super proud of her. I hope she calls me this week. (HINT HINT CASSIE)!!!!!!!!!

Well, fuck whoever took my wine. I kind of have an idea of who did it , but whatever. 20 bucks down the drain.

December 26th, 2006

(no subject)

I'm having a hard time being 20. I feel 16 still, naive, like I should be asking people to buy me cigarettes. Like I still live with my parents. Like nobody's taking me seriously. I refuse to accept getting older, my parents getting older. It's fucking scary.

Oh, hello December, haven't seen you in a while.

Today I can hang out with Jameson. I feel relieved he's around again. I am going to listen to Iron and Wine in his honor. Maybe I can see my kitten biddle.


November 19th, 2006

(no subject)

I probably could listen to Flock of Seagulls for a really long time and not be sick of it. For some reason I always think that the fancy condo people that live on 43rd st are all having affairs or classy cocktail martini parties with other people who have car alarms that beep when they exit the vehicle. Absolutely scandelous! But probably not.

I also am still amazed at how my mom lets me walk around the neighborhood so late at night. Then I rememeber..hey! I've been on my own for over a year now! And I can do what I want when I want to do it! I'm not taking enough walks. Someone isn't taking enough walks with me. Times like this I wish Davey and K were the same as they used to be so we could walk aimlessly around midtown, talking about walking to St. Louis or Arkansas. Something completely unreasonable.

My ferret is stretched out on my lap. We are relaxing, I am mentally getting prepared to do some dishes. I think I am in love with him. He's so cute.

I bought myself a new journal. It's leather bound and yellow. I keep forgetting that nobody is going to read it but me, so I don't say anything I should in it. I'm too vain to understand the concept of privacy anymore with my life. I, for some reason, always feel like I should be telling everyone everything. And that isn't really all that important.

This weather is turning me into a 16 year old me. I kind of like it, but it's weird to see how 20 year old me is reacting. We're exhausting.
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